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Writer's pictureDr. Patty Richardson

5 Common Thinking Traps That Are Holding You Back

Learn about five of the most common thinking traps influencing your everyday life.


A thought is anything that runs through our minds--all of our perceptions, ideas, and beliefs about the world around us. They are quintessentially related to how we feel and how we choose to live our lives.


Our thoughts lead to how we feel about our experiences:


There is just about nothing I love more than going out on the lake in the summertime. Just thinking about the warmth of the sunshine on my face, the sound of the boat crashing through waves, the roar of the motor, my nephews demanding that we go faster ... all of these thoughts bring me back to some of my favorite memories and fill me with feelings of joy and peace. However, consider being a person who hasn't been on a boat before or has worries about drowning ... they could have the exact SAME experience of being out on the water, but think about it in a completely different way. They might see each wave as the one that will flip the boat or worry that the loud motor is a sign that they are unsafe. Instead of feeling joy and peace--they feel fear and dread. Our thoughts, in reaction to events around us, are the driving force behind how we experience our world.


There are some specific ways of thinking that tend to get us in trouble, enter: Thinking Traps aka Cognitive Distortions aka Thought Errors. Broadly, thinking traps are when we have thoughts that we fully believe BUT are actually irrational or blown out of proportion. Spending too much time stuck in a thinking trap is a direct ticket to feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, worthless and at fault, and disconnecting from people and things around you that matter.


Thinking traps do not have to rule your life. The first step toward breaking free of old problematic ways of thinking is to recognize when you're doing it.


5 Common Thinking Traps That You Will Probably Recognize


1. Catastrophizing: when we imagine that the worst possible outcome will happen, no matter how unlikely it really is.


If I get one bad grade, I'll never get the GPA I need to get into my college of choice and all of my life plans will be ruined.

If I have a bad day at work, I'm going to end up getting fired.


If I say one less than ideal thing to my kid, I am going to mess my child up for life and we will never have a close relationship.


2. Control Fallacies: when we think either 1) we are in complete control of everything, so that anything bad that happens is our fault or 2) we have no control of our lives and everything bad that happens to us is because of something or someone else.


My partner's depression and stress is my fault--if I could just work harder in this relationship, they would be better.


It's not my fault that I yelled at you, you were rude and you made me do it.


3. Fortune Telling: when we believe we can predict the future and it's not going to be great.


I'm going to feel so awkward tonight when I have to meet and talk with so many new people.


There's no way I'm going to get the position I want; why bother trying?


4. Black-and-white (Concrete) Thinking: when we think about outcomes in extremes--something is either a success or a failure, I am either a success or a failure ... without leaving space for shades of gray or middle ground. You are probably using this type of concrete thinking when you find yourself saying "always" and "never."


When someone you care about says something less than ideal to you and you immediately think that they must not love you.


When you think your approach is the only right way to do something.


5. Mind Reading: when we assume we know exactly what other people are thinking/feeling. This is a real problem that often leads to misunderstandings and breakdowns in communication.


Your friend is not responding quickly to your texts and you think they must be mad at you--when really, they just had a long, exhausting day and are taking a break from screens.


Your employer did not ask you to contribute to a new project, and you conclude that they think you're incompetent. In reality, they didn't think you had the available time to help.


For those who find themselves stuck in these thinking traps more often than they would like: it's totally ok. The first step toward shifting the way we think is to really notice our thought patterns--including those that are unhelpful. For those who read through this post and thought, "I never have thoughts like that": I encourage you to give it another read and do some self-reflection The trickiest, most insidious part of cognitive distortions is that they often happen WAY outside of our awareness. Reach out when you're ready.




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